


I'm Not Afraid Of Tomorrow

by monkiainen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 12:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2025006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape's thoughts the night before the final battle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Afraid Of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Character Bingo Challenge: Favourite Character at hh_sugarquill

Tomorrow might be the day I die. I know it as well as I know myself, inside out. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not afraid of tomorrow because I have been dead inside for so many years already.

Ever since Lily died.

It was my fault to begin with, so it would be appropriate if it would end with me as well. But I’m not the one who is supposed to finish Voldemort for good. It is a job for Lily’s son.

God how much I miss her.

Harry does not know how much I loved his mother. He must never know. I want to keep my love for her purely for myself. It’s the only thing left of her that I have. It’s the one thing that has kept me alive all these years.

Why couldn’t I save her?

I’m not afraid of tomorrow for my own sake. I don’t care whether I live or die, as long as Harry does what the whole wizarding world is excepting him to do. I know he can do it – he’s Lily’s son after all. _(and James’s… oh how it still hurts even after all these years… I would give anything if he was my son instead…)_ Harry might be prone to freaky accidents like his father, but he has Lily’s courage and intelligence.

Please forgive Lily for everything I’ve done. It’s my fault you didn’t see your son to grow up.

I’m nothing but a shell of a man, my heart and soul burnt away from me by Lily’s death. I died in that faithful night with Lily in my arms. Without my potions I would be dead as well.

I only stayed alive because Albus asked me to. Because he needed someone to look over Harry, to protect him from Voldemort and his accomplishes. I did the best I could. Yet, Harry is who knows where, with Granger and Weasley, and I feel like I have failed Lily’s memory. I need to stay alive a bit longer, to make sure it all stops here.

I doubt dying for good would feel any different than what I feel (or more accurately, _don’t feel_ ) like now. I couldn’t care less for my own well-being. My reason for living has been dead for 16 years now.

It still feels like only yesterday.

I love you Lily.


End file.
